Even when the hope is gone, move along move along you can make it through (8)
im so fed up.

Ive eaten normally (1000 ish) and done killer excercise.
And im hungry, i mean what the hell, does the number 1000 mean NOTHING to my body...

Im starting to like feeling hungry, i just hate how its always at school!

Ah well, every emo kid knows life sucks, peace out.

(no subject)
I feel so badly like im gonna S-H again.
I dont wanna get back onto the cycle of that, its risky, but needs must, and if it stops me doing more destructive things, then let it be i guess.

Get ready here i come.


SO today is a B-A-D day!

Ate too much
Talked to people who just get me down
Gotta re-sit an exam at some point

I miss male attention =/ Ever since i noticed that i am "ill" i havent let myself get that close to anyone ...  but i really need a hug, so so so badly. No wait, its not even male attention. Just loving attention, I just need to feel wanted for a while, then maybe i can stop being such a waste of space! Ugh, the world wishes!

Im a load of bollox basically, right now i wouldnt really care if i wasnt here, No one would miss me anyway.

Im not okay ... you wear me out (8)

New lyrics/poem

I have a perfect destination
The most perfect destination
And im dying, Craving
Dying to be there

You're my colourful metaphoric raincloud
You turn my skies from gray
Nothing gray can touch my painting
My painting of what your heart should say

Nothing goes how its supposed to
No one does what they say they'll do
Who could choose forever, ever?
When happily ever after is just a fairytale

This is the last time i'll tell you
Your make believe, is not true
Turn around and slam the door
Cos none of this matters anymore.

Not really related to anything.

Everyone needs a sanctuary
Everyone needs a sanctuary, so im gonna adopt this as my own little space. Im gonna pretend it doesnt matter how mental, crazy, sad, pathetic, desperate, regretful, suicidal, destructive, drunk or just plain fed up i sound.

Cause everybody needs that one little space that they can call their own.
Im not too sure this will be mine, im not too sure how much i like the idea of people i dont know reading my most personal and private thoughts, or people that i do know stumbling across this and deciding ive lost my marbles somewhere between trying to fit in and trying to kill myself.

I just dont know.  Am i even me anymore? Is there any sanity or willingness left in me?

It sickens me that no matter how hard i try, something always gets in my way. Regardless of anything, i always fail. People are telling me i need to get help, need to get better, will feel better once i talk to someone, will understand this once i take this tablet .... I DONT WANT TO GET BETTER! DONT YOU SEE?! THIS FUCKING ILLNESS IS ALL I HAVE LEFT!

I have very few people in my contact who actually understand what im going through.
Yet those are the people i find it hardest to interact with.
I'd really like to know why that is.

I doubt anyone will read this far, if any of this crap. To be honest im just letting this all pour out of my mind, im just typing the first thing that comes into my head.

I really dont know what i want anymore.
I want to be happy, but i sacrificed that a long time ago.

Besides, who wants a useless teenage fuck up?


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